Aug 20, 2014|
Automatically Generated Transcript (may not be 100% accurate)
Welcome to living well you radio with your -- to recent -- Good afternoon you're listening to living well -- radio heard every Sunday afternoon here on talk radio thirteen 70 AM. Streaming live -- top thirteen seventy dot com I'm Teresa -- helping you live wealthier. Resources are available for -- living -- radio dot com. It's. Whether you could drastically change the direction of your life are even maybe reinvent your life that's right -- three invent your life. One year from today if you could wave a magic wand and have any life you wanted what would it look like who would be in your life. -- you spend your days where would you let how would you feel. Well our guest today my friend -- without totally reinvented. His life. Several years ago and -- the book on how you can do the same thing. Welcome -- to living Buffy radio pastries it's awesome to be here it sure -- it's awesome to have you here. Felt -- we -- exactly one year ago next month. We were introduced by two totally different keep bought -- from different corners of the world's. And that we had a phone conversation and from there order to Bakken credit and absolutely it was -- fascinated. With a ten but also. The fact that you were so totally -- hope then about who used to be and that person wasn't really necessarily. A very nice sky. The men used to be shared some facts about yourself that was not off flattering. You lay it all out there sound. To ask you what the heck are you thinking when you decided to write this buck. I was thinking about that on the way over here and I I was thinking that this book sort of like going to Times Square new years -- getting naked standing in the middle and when it was like it is. That's really the the process I went through I got -- went down in my core and for some reason I felt like I had to get something out of me and it turned out to be everything and then it ended up in this books are the whole world concede. Mean the middle in Times Square and I mean all my dark secrets might -- my shadow life make the history. And by that process. Guided out and opened yet she's doing some changes and ultimately reinventing but I didn't realize that the book was part of that process it was actually bringing it -- to the surface so. That's kind of it came out because they knew and used to -- had to come out but it was -- get naked I mean I was vulnerable with this and everything it's in and if you were. Absolutely and and for someone like myself who really is pretty -- and it. I was so fascinated with how you lay it up there I mean it it be ugly Stockton unflattering stopped and the guy I've got to know is really an amazing guy and an awesome guy but the process you had to go to around. It was really just impressed me immensely. So the book writing the book the process was cathartic but. You'd think it was also part of the reinvention. I think it it sort of culminated or brought it to the surface and there's just as some reported things are talked about in the book is is going conscious. And the only way to go conscious is to figure out what the truth is an in my case I was entangled in so many different lies that I was telling myself -- else. I -- figure out what was real and the process of getting to that place was really. Getting this all out in the book and even though I'd done it in the book are even though -- dense a lot of work on myself. This was the point where I've put in front myself and then read it -- while. That's really what was and I don't even like act I I wouldn't like that guy I met him so it. -- Called -- the years have -- hiding and therapy and just everything that I went through the whole process and brought it into one place. And then I could start I can take that as my base point. And really. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- But until it was there it was in my head and and that is as people know when when things -- in your head to tend to be confusing because they that your your brain's pretty complex place so. In a book form it it gave me a place to. To reflect and as are making some pretty drastic changes. So what does it mean to you do to reinvent. Your life. Reinvention is is really a process of getting very very clear on where I am and -- What I am and then figuring out where wanna go who I wanna be and and then employing whatever. Resource is people are needed to. And and cutting free of whatever is not serving your. So it's it's a process of going deep in Q what's real what's true and and starting there because a lot of times we have goals we we want something different. But we're not willing to acknowledge where we really are today because it hurts and it's it's a result of decisions we've made over a period of years her whole life. And if we're gonna dodger it's true today -- we we might have to say some of the stuff I did was really stupid and some of those decisions were really really. Ugly wrong bad. And it's hard to admit we -- we don't want to feel like we've made a big mess of our lives that truth is reliving in a lot of messes and until you're going to acknowledge that. You can't really get out of damage is gonna drag them along to a new space and a new day. So the only thing I couldn't I guess I could relate to -- from us. I guess son to -- would be if you get caught in the lie and how you feel when you get -- July -- what you went through with so much more than that. And and to say it's about like if you've got the goals and you wanna you know figure out a way of getting to the goals. I think it's much deeper than that and we -- you literally. Decided you wanted to change who you are what what was the what was the event or that trigger point that caused you to acknowledge. You wanted to change who you war. There's there's one particular event there's talk about in the book called the trigger event and when your your -- there I just remembered another moment. And I think that that was say. A different type of trigger event but it was also very powerful swisher both of those. The the trigger event that brought me to my knees was back in. I believe is is in 2009. And I was investigative out of hiding in fear and I had this big mess of a life and it just didn't want TU. Be found I didn't want people to know the truth I really didn't want to acknowledge truth. And so. I was basically hiding in in. At a house on the edge of the desert in Scottsdale. And your parents to know where you are my parents in no I didn't I didn't want them to know I'd really nobody knew where I was -- -- tried to know they would they wanted to know but I just be deflected. Because. Aid I didn't really know how to get out of a place I was that and I hadn't hadn't I hadn't been brought my -- yet. So this particular day I had a knock at the door which is a little strange because they'll be -- was and when I went to the door -- lifted people. And I -- four people standing there with badges and guns and I've got. Oh man they're here to get me and I don't even know who these people are but I it I must've done something. So I went hidden closet for the next couple of hours I tiptoed to the closet and insists. Close -- door in the darkness and just sat there and waited and eventually. I went slipped out the window into the desert. Went through a neighborhood came back and look to see fear may be speaking out my house and it went after the front door and I saw a an envelope. And I thought our no what is this this is gonna be my brain went into the worst case scenario. And opened the envelope and it says it dear -- Dorman and it. It was from the IRS was huge for me they were there for the previous person that lived in the house before me. And -- So even though wasn't for me the message was for me. You weren't even a criminal afraid it was like he broke laws he -- hiding because you were hiding from the law. No I know I wasn't hiding from the -- I was hiding from. -- the decisions I made. In in all in all my choices over the previous ten years. We see the business and the real estate there's the stuff that I was involved with. I just I was going so fast and building up and it -- portfolio is building that business and I was. I was playing very fast and loose in in a lot of the things I was doing and when it crashed down in 2008. I was dealing with a big mess and a lot of pain I'm mine and a lot of other people's and I. I -- I don't terrible and I ate it and there are people there were very mad at me. And so I wanted to avoid big allergy what they'd done and I wanted to avoid everybody basically attacking -- yelling at me. So with what I feel when I hear. That you were. Living at a house in the middle of nowhere. I feel lonely. I feel fear are I feel depression and I feel isolation. I feel. Suicidal tendencies. I can't imagine the hell that you ran. The personal. Deep dark cal and -- isolated yourself because you didn't want anybody near you per -- and. I did isolate myself and it's and it had an impact and I think and -- my suspicion is this happens it's like people when they're in that space where there in net. In that fear. I had a lot of of health problems I couldn't sleep I was nauseous I was. I was anxious all the time and and then I used I used things to you to deal with that whether it was. We're with -- he was dating a lot like all the time it was using alcohol it was using things to to deal with. The truth and avoiding Richard that was basically numbing myself to. Looking in the -- year and it and that it helped me. Stay -- but it didn't help solve the problem and it didn't help me reinvented didn't help me get T get out of that just stayed in it. Until that -- that so what happened after that turner then after the knock on the door. At that point I realized that I was the problem I realized that my decisions were got me where was set how did you realize that like. -- hiding in a closet and you look at the letter you realize so much of this. Crap was your imagination right. If I think when that happened it tore something -- like tearing a scab offered bandied or something and expose something and there's there is there a flood of emotion. That it's surged through me and I remembered just. Bawling and and thinking what whatever what is my life where am I doing. Adding art affix it at that point I just knew that I was I was very honest with myself this is this a problem there is. That there's got to be something different that I have to do you and it's not what I'm doing now. And it was we and then after that within a year and I left left the house of Madonna right car for awhile and went to there. Went to Connecticut or trying to I campaign of as a volunteer and mostly get fired from that because -- -- reinvention process. And it was. It was funny when that happened because I wanted to pretend I didn't get fired but only I can get fired from volunteer position and at that data was his beat you you spoke your mind. I think of everything and I did speak our mind and I was I was also trying to figure out what was truce there is a mix of of chaos and and it. Less than can endure and that sometimes too much candor and it was just. I was in it in a jumbled mess there's a lot of turbulence there was the opposite of stillness and peace which is the last chapter in the book it talks -- into that place. Where things are calm and and the simplicity. In your life which really comes down to the truth when you get to the truth you're not trying to plug -- you're not trying to you. None things that are real. Yours you're living with what it is. And it doesn't take a lot to be happy. -- I think most people have a disconnect with who they are they really don't have a good relationship with who they are trained and I think the greatest relationship one can have is the wind. Died and then bearers themselves and this buck. I believe is all about. Having a relationship with yourself. And with the person that you want to be -- it's not about having. How can I get a new car how can I get into achieve a goal it's about how to be the person. To have a kind of like that you -- Win when you had that -- better after that her bad. Did you have. A -- our process that you were following are where you just kind of figured out day by day. It was it was literally a process due date that -- trying to figure it out and it wasn't until I started working with. With a therapist that just -- be held space for me and kept asking the question really the question is over and over what's true. And then I'd go a little bit deeper. And so. He he didn't have anything profound as far as. Words of of sage wisdom or anything he just opened the space for me to go deep and it hurt. And that that was the process to go deeper and deeper. And I remember one of the things that did he said to me in the beginning when I started working with him. I mean it's empowering and ice sits on the defects that somebody didn't trust -- -- that to mean he says I don't trust you. And I went wow and that I realized he interest me because I didn't trust myself so why would anybody else trust me. And that was a big. It is a big moment. Tap in save that and then maybe six months later when it was something came up and I. Out of nowhere he just he looked meanings that I trust you and there is I knew that there had been a shift to the point where. I can trust myself because I don't think like I was really able -- trust myself for a lot of years so. I look for external validation. Coach for other people to give me accolades -- to say that I was scared. Because I didn't trust I was scared I didn't even trust myself to do directing I was disputing its fastest possible. And hoping that the speed would make up for stupidity thing. And that speed is noise. The speed is noise and speed kills beat the speed creates a lot of chemistry creates a lot of emotion and there's this high from it the problem is you have to keep going faster and faster. Because there's a need for us to want to grow. And if speed is however we're living in the only way to grow is to go faster and so for me that was go get a Ferrari go. Go really fast -- don't have relationships to go deep just go -- in and and spread myself all over the place never really connecting very deeply TU anyone. Because I can go really fast and can look really really did an impressive when in fact it's very hollow and and very lonely. Did you realize. You were mumbling. I I think it did indeed the other moment that they came to mind is that triggered event hours. Actually had a relationship. With a wonderful woman and now is involved. Just basically freelancing my my love life around and I got caught again cock being in both these relationships. -- -- just like oh I thought I just lifted her nice and I said yeah you're right I did it and I I'm I'm guilty it's it's mine and she just looked to me and I can tell for the first time she actually totally trust me she knew that. The lies and it and the deception in the management and manipulation. Pretty darn I was ready to be there. And that was probably the most connected I ever felt was that moment as stars with her and the relationship ended. But it was a very interesting moment -- when I just open myself and was honest. I didn't try to make her think anything I just was on so naturally expected that she was just punch me in the face but it. That's and I realized that the power in being honest with other people and yourself will set you free and it that's when this started happening with me. Now. So. As far as of reinventing. Your life you you went from. At a very young age you had a very successful business and real -- you were real estate investor. And yet all sorts of relationships he has -- a -- ways you had this huge bank account the black. American Express card you -- all the bragging rights you had right and so layer violator. Each area of your life. Crumbled to you had zero aren't actually had negative because he had to build from very negative space plane to get back to zero. That's -- it it really did give it everything fell apart the it is their friendships that it that you the monetary wealth this stuff I mean it literally went away it got to the point where. I was I was in my car and I felt like. I really wondered if any friends and -- a living and literally living out of my car with my stuff. Going where marketed do you have I just lost everything and the -- lost my dog. I mean this is a everything went away -- -- is -- reserve reboot it's like a restart in my life. So at any point he says -- Now I don't think I was suicidal I was I was in a lot of pain I think my body was. It in a way shutting down it was because they treated so much stress and and and pain and there were dirt. A lot of pain went on for so long that doc when does this -- and this is. This is tearing me apart I can't function like this so it was a psychic pain and was. An emotional pain it was him it was an emotional pain and it was literally physical pain there's all this pain was was going on. Because I wasn't ready to be done with it I wasn't ready and and buried by being done with and I mean I wasn't ready to go deep into it. And egg allergy what was really there and white. What I'd done and what they've done as a reflection of who I was this. And that's the thing that I wanted to our youth that's the thing today I wanted to say no that's not true that that was really me this year because. Yes atlas it was me. And and -- and I had a baseline and I had something to work. I go okay. I never ever wanna be that person again who do I wanna be. And let's let's have by doing whatever however act being alignment with who are wannabe and make sure that there's integrity there. So I do think it's possible to re create. Who you are. -- acting it's entirely. Possible to recreate. It's it's a choice. And and sometimes. Sometimes it's it has a lot to -- with -- environment. Because there's influence and sometimes it's and most is time it has to do with making a choice. I went once you make a choice. And you say it's non negotiable. And you. They need to start working from that because nothing is allowed to break you from that but until you going to that state. Yeah NT -- and T make that choice. You're stuck in your stuff. Do you think most people need to recreate themselves. And reinvent themselves I think most people have an opportunity if they were to acknowledge where they are. That they can -- create what ever would make it truly happy and when you look at people and they're not happy. It's because there's something that needs to be reinvented. Our guest today is reinvention. Expert damion looked out and we are discussing has got Korean -- to life. Which exposes. The deep personal transformation he made during his reinvention. And provides real strategies for any anyone wanting or needing to reinvent themselves. Only comeback from our break -- going to dig -- even deeper into the reinvention process. -- his mind boggling turning. This is Teresa -- -- the living wealthy radio. Right back. Living wealthy radio visit Teresa's team online -- living wealthy radio dot com. 180382. 0830. Now call 1803820830. Welcome to call us. Well for you Rio which is Teresa com it's. If you are just now joining us we are speaking with author and reinvention. Experts and Damian that that out. -- yeah I'm not saying. Someone wants to reinvent their life you talk about your buck. Changing your mind. The difference between change your mind and exchanging. Your mind to speak to that. So weekend movement they beat him in my him. In my -- struggles through figure out what was true where. One of the things that I learned was that we've got these we get these two parallel mines running their running perpendicular and they have. It's it's kind of like DD Angel in the double that are on your shoulder. And furlong time -- -- the devil was pretty -- trying to show I had Angel giving input but it was pretty much getting crushed and so. And and if you didn't have that Angel you would have been associate Pastor -- You that you wouldn't have had any anxiety about what you were doing the life you relive saying. It was the fact that you did have that. That Angel or that consciousness that you were messing up that you're happy anxiety. The threat there if it that's right you would be a total sociopath if he didn't have this this other side there was -- you that is giving you feedback and so. They typically are out of balance. Which hopefully the ones are striving -- good digests the moral part of you is the stronger one. In my case for a long time the other one and the almost the hedonistic consumption. Do you anything in any cost type -- mentality that was driving there the show's driving -- To train and and so -- there in the reinvention process. What I -- realized was that you can choose. Which path which which mind you're going to you'd give that power to you and the more you strengthen. Date the one mine the other one loses its grip and so as -- as are focused on the mind of its. It was all like good news about abundance and prosperity enjoy and love and connection. The other one lost its ability to you run the show so. Even though -- be moments and it happens all the time and I think this is a huge mistake that if people make. Where they. It's where did that come from that makes it bad person. And what I realized is that when when the this real demon decides to pop its ugly head up I go okay. I got it thank you. And this this -- credit Seifert just acknowledging that I am a human being and I've got these -- doesn't mean I'm gonna go act on them and and then to power keeps growing with Steve the one -- at the mine -- in integrity so you can change your mind. -- When you. When you exchange and you you give power and you practice -- and you bring you strengthen the muscle of the mine pits driving. The bigger version if you see the more connected to more loving version of you that when takes over and the other one still there but it doesn't really drive anything anymore. So the volume goes down the volume goes down it pops up in -- car okay. And then there's no energy around it but when you fight with it. It's it's kind of like the Marshall are they teaching -- if you fight if you're in conflict. -- he gets uglier and uglier and if you learn how to blend and you learn how to be grateful for. -- we have we have partners even if -- is trying to punch you in the face or take your head off. You are literally. Blending and at the same time protecting them so. This is mean trying to kill the evil little by and its beaches blending and saying thank you and protecting it and just it just goes away and move forward. So there there really -- the same thing once a physical. Practice and one's one's a mental exercise. I work with money. As do you actually and it's. Most people line needs. Would like to improve their finances and an order for that took her are obviously they need to become someone different -- I I think there's a general feeling that. You know. Out there people want new cars and you houses and you know increase their bank accounts they have to go out and do things right -- actually. The beginning is being someone different. Taking different actions and then you can happily you -- and in the area finances. Nothing could be further from the truth right you have to be someone different. In -- to have different. Financial. Situation. And in your book. You have some some strategies. And reinventing your life when it comes to my chances. And the first thing you talk about is having consciousness. With finances you spent two years beat because your income went down and your network went down so drastically. You had to pay attention to everything you spent talk about that. So there's there's a concept that I called the runway and it's it's basically understanding where you are financially not how much money you make -- -- at a bigger paycheck is. But how much -- you have to live. So for example let's say you you you spend 3000 dollars a month and you've got. 36000 dollars in the bank you literally have a year of runway. And that is if you're really conscious and you you know you spent 3000 dollars a month you know you've got a year of freedom and if that's why you have been a year from now you're you're busted you're toast so basically that's your freedom number. I had a moment. Before the reinvention where. I remember thinking. I have a lot of money flying around and I'm not really sure what these numbers are is that always different companies and sell most people operate their lives they have all these different bank accounts and credit cards and and there's just money everywhere and date their frustrated because -- if director stress and it's not because they don't make enough money it's not because they don't have enough assets. It's because they're not clear what's really going on. So Mikey is that dot. I think I need to get really clear for whatever reason I decided to do this excess so -- consolidated everything. And I thought this this. Can't be that bad I mean my my rent at the time was 2204 I was living I didn't have to Ferrari and a truck and so I thought our at this is this going to be probably like 101000 bucks a month. B seven -- five. Thousand dollars a month without spending and I thought. What kind of lifestyle is this I don't even when I was seven 5000. Dollars a month going. I have and then it yet about that would have been. A pretty epic win. There's it was it was going. He was going to things like I had I had multiple houses that wasn't living in just sort of have them and I was thinking -- I would sell them eventually -- senior Andre how does that then you have other houses and other houses and I was. I wasn't worried about it I thought they'll. I'll take care -- eventually they'll eventually sell whatever and so wasn't making hard decisions like I wasn't slashing prices -- just. Living in my Mike cracked and Dick and not thinking about stock -- my bubble was about to blow up on me. And I I was paying people I was paying yes men people in my life a lot of money I had I had a great guy that I hired. To give me advice and is paying him 101000 dollars a month. And he basically told me -- -- here and he Kirschke go by the Ferrari -- compound of the situation but I hired him to compound the situation. Which was perfect because it was in alignment with who I wise I was about consumption. More than I was about. Contribution. And so in that space I'd put people around me that reinforced it. And Alison I realized wow I am going to spend a million dollars this year. Just to -- exist in this space. As in we're talking about using a man no wife and children and test yourself. Yes and at that doesn't get -- -- increase from a lot of freedom Kazaa and a lot of money but that kind of burn rate. Doesn't last very long and it doesn't matter -- 75000 or 7500. If you don't go -- your number is. There's no way to make any type of forecast or prediction or make an intelligent decision on. This week for this month should I -- this should idea that. The question I asked all the time was can I do something and this was a profound distinction. When I realized that. Over there at those ten years -- is building up my business and I had all this money. I would look at something whether it was a Ferrari or going to you going on a indications or spending money and I thought yeah I can do that. How can I do that and I -- just come up with the way I can borrow the money I can go buy some dumb things some new. Pretend asset that would make you feel good about going in consuming more. When asked now when I see something that sounds interesting is ask should I do that should I buy it. And that it's not just a should like -- this feel good. I -- should I do this is this going to you create more stress because it's gonna put financial pressure on me and -- making rational decisions that support our lifestyle of of peace and happiness because if I'm doing something that's. -- seeking new -- from that. Didn't really what's the point and I serving somebody else in my making myself feel better because somebody else thinks that I'm successful. Federal cares much about that anymore. I care about the fulfillment. What I am leaving behind. What I'm doing to connect and should be it. Which is why teachers spend about half my time teaching and training to you to be better. Which is something that I didn't do during this process of just massive speed and consumption and chaos so there's a huge distinction and difference. Then it their goal was more. It was it was what Josh Roland said in in Wall Street. To you when you was asked what his number was like what is is enough. Peace and his answer was more that was my answer for years what is my goal more. It was never enough that's why my relationships were never enough that's why it didn't matter how crazy my Italian car was. I needed a McLaren I needed more needed more houses. So I was constantly anxious. That's a very dangerous place to be and most people are thinking about. The end game at 5067 years -- of the -- somewhere because they'll have more. It's an understanding that they have everything right now if they just acknowledge how great their life is if they can find happiness in in something. It's very fulfilling and takes with the success Trevor. This year you lost your father. Howl. Did that impact your. Perspective. On. Your reinvention. I think key was that the last the last week that we spent together when I was up in Alaska visiting with him. We had a number of conversations and I CU package feeling he was proud of me to quit understand all the stuff I got through because it was a lot and the I'm sure he was happy that I survived it. But -- He worries he made one comment -- hit me really really hard and it was when he found that if he just had a matter of weeks left. And he said I just had so many things they wanted to do. And acting -- that hit me for two reasons one. Acting key he lived sort of vicariously through me in allowed the things they did -- is traveling around the world. We're just adventures I read go -- in that would scare the heck out of him but -- was happy I was doing them and living. It was also a bit of a warning. -- not wait to not live in the fear TU to go and do it because you don't have an unlimited amount of time. And he he always wanted to go see where he was from here was going to go to Italy and we planned trip to go there with my siblings. And a -- when he gets sick. He wasn't able travel. -- he never got to do that. I hear that all the time for people how they talk about doing something someday -- live on the island of someday someday I'll. Someday I'll go there are some -- -- do this. And in his mind he always had. That's Sunday tomorrow and eventually he didn't. So that it keeps me focused on making sure that I'm living. And I'm not thinking about everything down the road because we don't get to live in the future we we used to live now. We have to really under that and and love that. So I tend to be very optimistic now I I. Things happen and I I laugh -- I laugh in the face of chaos and make a good this is the skinny HD stories and as well laugh about it now. And I'm enjoying what's going on nick and I'm doing the best they can and I give myself a bit of a break when -- screw up and -- permanent. Alison though that I am doing things not T manipulator manage anybody but to be relationship with people what are my clients a reference. And there's eight a loving connection in circulation of energy between. The people might not mean in my life and myself whereas before I think there is mostly eighty. A focus on taking whatever they carried it was a very scarcity. Focus life and energy. Which is unfortunate we're probably all of our common then he abundance. Philosophy. Abundance is a lot more -- -- more interest and and it's it's happy. So if you were focused on taking from those around you. You associated yourself with takers as well and so they were looking that you don't. As somebody they can take from. Bob association. The threat and an out I learned some big lessons in fact rather a partner. That I worked with for a number of years and I I had him in my life it was kind of I kind of by a show about a dollar but I -- I basically bought her a partner. And windy we worked together. He stuck around as long as he can keep taking and there is this pretend friendship. And ultimately he left the country and took over a million dollars from me. And so I got mad and I was frustrated that that this case he stole for me. And the truth is he was just like me and -- associate myself with people there were like me because we tend to attract there's this magnetism around. Who we put near us it's it's your Bucky five it -- a call asthmatic adaptation. You people around you become your reflection of those people that you spend your time with. It sushi and I were very similar in different forms through the same person so it was no big surprise that -- that would happen it did I we get hurt from somebody. Because I was doing things they were. There were horrible to you and -- it out it was just a matter of time but there's karma or Wear whatever you wanna call it. There it's not neutral who you have around you and I learned that it was very painful. And I traded it to you it was a choice. So if somebody wants to reinvent our minds I. They've got to look at who they're associating man. You've got to get real clear under -- so it's been associating with. Did people that there they have around and this is hard this is it it's brutal when people are talking about their families and and there is a point were not budged you to fire back fairly Ellis collar family out so every practical. Because there's there's negativity. And so what I realized is there's just -- -- a decision on how much time I'm gonna spend with people that are totally out of alignment with with me. With friends or people with colleagues. It's a lot easier if you're gonna be honest about the influence they have when you. And how different and they're -- either virtue -- in yours. -- gets a little easier it's challenging. If it happens to be a parent or something and at some point you just have to say OK I really love dispersant because they're -- and they're not me and I'd give you my best to shield and -- just think you just have to. Acknowledge what's really going on that there is influence and then decide how much and push you -- half from that person. You recently wrote. A balance. An exercise you dead. Which I had to do width. At the -- rating and grating. The people around you. Yet few are pretty this process on steroids -- you'd be -- decreed a matrix and so did this. I created a matrix with a scoring system for everybody that has -- touches me it's it's influencing me. From my closest friends who TU my family. And I scored everyone and I. When I was grating them based on their virtues and the principles. That I hold very true like integrity. Like kindness like simplicity these things that are really really important. And I asked myself. Does this person espouse this thing I can I count on this person as this person. Giving as much as as. They're taking in is it is their circulation in the relationship and some of these people flunked the test that dot wow I just flung to her friends. And LA. It just it made a very real didn't mean I all of a sudden cut every race for number -- just. We got very very honest with the influence of people were having on my life incentive pretending that it was neutral but it didn't matter is it definitely matters. I think part of reinvention process is having complete and total clarity as to who you want to become. And that exercise. You know if you are who you hang out when. That exercise. I believe it gives you complete clarity as to who you're hanging out and it sounds very. Mean. It sounds very. Harsh. That if you look around if you've got certain values and EU. Do a matrix and the people around you based on those values. And they don't have those values. It forces you to look at yourself and say who am I wrote me. If -- -- probably showing up in a very similar way if people if there are things that people don't have are doing you're probably doing. He's he's your probably you've got to look very similar to your you know people around you. Are a bit of a reflection. I view. It's who does it does it's a judgment on yourself more than anything else right that's the harsh part it's not necessarily that you look at somebody go. You're you're looser because I look at these people like oh I love them. I look every one of them could flunk bi matrix but I loved all of them. And I think with that did -- you brought this happening I think you better right now it really brought to the surface. Of the things that I didn't want and need to be. I did I wanted to shift and until I saw that in other people that I had close to me. I don't think I was clear that those were problems for myself. And if it's not a problem for you know then it's -- -- -- -- plan in your life and eight in not only putting up with every year. You're inviting it to start creeping into you because the more influence you have it just it happens it's like if you go. If you go into the south or you you go to some other country you're gonna start talking -- with the different dialect you're gonna start absorbing that you won't even think about it. You are who you hang out and I mean over and over again that the greatest thought leaders in the world every time had said that over and over again and it's sound trio. This -- centro it's a nice and that all the time your reflection of who you hang out ahead. You know tell me who your friends are but they're grade point averages and that's. You're the average of your friends in Hamlet it's absolutely sure if I your -- town is an average of the friends you hang led. Yes but to -- both and that's that's a big big what for most people if you. If you want it if you wanna do better financially if you want to be rich stop hanging out with people there that are on food stamps -- you're not gonna just suddenly wake up. And be rich find people that have created something that are creating value in the world. That's a big one just find that it will do you more Qiyue -- to that place of abundance than anything else. You know every single day millions of people just like Q&A. Right now are struggling. With frustrating lives of the feeling of being stock. And not knowing how to change how to find peace and happiness. They're seems to be a better way. To leave old chaos and confusion. Behind to live happily simply. And with crystal clarity. This is the process of reinvention. Process that could give you a chance to live your life with meaning and fulfillment. For more of reinvention of life and -- your work. The website for you has reinvented life dot com were also going to post a link under the Nazi radio dot com. -- have the show along -- a linked your website and your buck. You know I I love you dearly you are not someone that I would of thought is the man. You are today based on what I read write and I'm so glad I actually met in got to value because I read in the back you are crazy guy. And certainly not someone I would have hung out plan mean either. And that sound happy that. That you become the New York today. Thank you and I encourage you listening audience to go check out reinvented -- dot com and street -- fast. Thanks Teresa thanks for joining us with the -- radio. You've been listening to living -- radio on top teams sanity and certain -- -- top thirteen sanity. Dot com. I'm free to pin and I hope you'll join me again next week as I should -- ways to live for wealthier. Resources are available for you on our website. At living wealthy radio. -- dot com.